If you’re a natural empath, then you’re in the high risk category of becoming potential prey for a psychopath. 
And if you have other risk factors ie., an extreme neediness that can lead to not being too fussy about a romantic partner or friend/confidante, or have an intrenched sense of indebtedness/obligation (ie., the psychopath is a family member), if you live alone and especially if you have your own financial security AND if there’s in any way that there’s something about you that is ego enhancing to this predator (if in someway you are a ‘trophy’ person), then you are in a greater risk category.You can read more concerning potential ‘victim’ material in Part Four.
To briefly define: the empath has the naturally inclinded capacity to put themselves in the place of another, to experience the soul-life of another, to link up with another in a desired communion.
If you look at human personality types, the empath (highly sensitive social conscience) is on one end of the scale – and the psychopath (no social – ‘anti’ – social, conscience) is on the other. For the psychopath, relationships with other human beings is a game, and to self-gratify they need a victim, someone to toy with, someone to amuse themselves with – someone to admire them. In this way their victim is devalued as a unique personality and is objectified.
In both the sociopath and the narcissist is the need to be adored, even worshipped. Some may have a such an elevated view of themselves that they have delusions of grandeur, so any and all adoration – and indeed all attention – is a form of self-gratification. And while you, the empathetic one of the relationship, might consider that you are caring for this conscienceless individual, you are merely a supply of something that the psychopath (narcissist/sociopath) wants for self-gratification. They will take what they want from you. And if they like what you’re able to feed them, they’ll continue to stroke you in that direction for as long as you are useful.
So, do you want to be a victim of such a humiliating life experience as to have anything to do with such a individual? I tell you, that if you do, or are self-deceived enough to consider that you might be able to change them, or that that individual needs you, or continue to want to champion them because somehow you pity their weakness (yes, there are those that even ignore loud warning bells because their empathy is so strong), then you have set yourself up to have your soul scrambled. For…
The psychopath likes nothing better than to mess with your head.
It is a game and they have a need to win it.
I have an idea for a new tv reality program: Psychopath wars. Kind of like Big Brother meets Gladiators, the production team could put a number of them in a closed house and see who comes out untimately ruling the roost! But no…That’s not what a psychopath’s about. They really don’t want to go to a lot of effort, and they don’t need to fight if they have a world full of potential victims. And they could be anybody, a college chum, the woman who lives down the street, the co-worker, anybody. And yes, they will be the parasite in disguise, fitting in and hard to spot.
This is the tricky part, because we have such a need in us to form relationships that are life-enhancing and make us feel good, then we can suffer to be easily flattered by our great new pseudo-friend. So this is your first warning bell:
The psychopath will:
. Form fast attachment.
. Find out as much as they can about their potential victim fast. This is to discover any weakpoints – any other other tidbit they can use. Proceed to undermine your self-confidence, partly for the effect of deceiving you into believing that you need them. Partly for their own need for superiority over you.
. Will draw a potential victim into intimacy quickly. For instance, they might offer a little intimate secret about themselves and expect it be reciprocated. And they know their victim will do so, being an empathetic soul. They are very good at people-reading. I would add a dire warning with this one because if the relationship falls out and they get upset with their victim later about this, they can – and will if they want to – use that information against them.
. Try to make a victim feel good about themselves, even good with the cheer ups when the other is down. In fact they are such good actors and imitators, they can act being an empath themselves. Remember they can only act emotion, they don’t feel them. It may be, for an empathetic soul, impossible to understand this, but that’s part of the empathetic one’s trouble as a potential victim – their need to understand people. And if the psychopath thinks you could be getting away, they’ll try to turn back on the charm to get you back in their control.
Before continuing, I would like to say to not get me wrong here for the world needs the empathetic. And because empathetic and greatly caring individuals are needed, they need to learn how to look after themselves. It’s just that they are rich in what they have, but in that richness they can present as a tasty dish for the voracious feeder. And feed on their victims of choice they will.
And that’s the thing. The potential victim has to let them. The weaponry is going to be work if these weapons are lacking – yes, there may well be need for applied effort in these areas:
. A healthy self-esteem
. A balanced assessment of other human beings and a willingness to judge others, even if the judgement falls in the negative. It is no good to be naive and easily trusting. Remember trust is an earned value. The pychopath wants to gain your trust EARLY. But trust is really only gained with time. Be not impatient with relationships, heed those warning bells, check your self-esteem and personal need-meter.
. And if one’s intuitution is bothering one then there’s the option to run. In fact this strategy is recommended. The empath will have the tendency to take on people as causes, but the psychopath is not a cause to be championed at all. They can look after themselves, it’s just that it’s more advantangeous to them to have someone of their objectified interest to enhance their own personal life experience.
. Learn to trust your intuitive voice more. People tend to forsake that in favour of rationalising. Read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. Keep learning about human nature: don’t stay in a place of naivety about it.
. Ask questions yourself. The psychopath has no difficulty doing this, but the empathetic one can by much reticent to intrude on another person’s privacy. By eliciting personal informtion about you, they are seeking to set the potential victim in a place of vunerability to them. Guard your life and your secrets more cautiously.
If you catch your new friend out in a lie, you might forgive them and maybe you might overlook it a second time (the spectrum of lying can include exaggerations/tall stories/boasts). Never give a liar a third chance. You do not need a liar/actor in your life. There are good people out there to form friendships with, and a good frienship can take time to build. Remember the psychopath likes more instant gratification. If it’s something good and lasting, it will take time. Time is something that the psychopath doesn’t give a lot of thought to. They are the ‘faithless’ amongst us.
Never forget that they are cold inside; their hearts cold stone.
But the heart of the empathetic one is not. The heart is warm and beating. Think of the vampire of fiction- fresh blood!
And so, one’s intiution is smarting and those warning bells are going off. One might be tempted to use ‘higher’ thinking and rationalise, or be so empathetic that there is discounting that there are those those don’t feel. But with head’s-up, there is awareness. Self awareness, and awareness of what’s out there is what’s going to save a psychopath’s potential victim.
So, what to do? Can a psychopath be outsmarted? Yes, it is possible, but the one trying this will need to stop feeling for a bit and start thinking with a cool head – to put that beating heart on hold for a while and use some wits. Nerves of steel might be required for the duration but the exercise will only do good.
Recall that the psychopath is an information gatherer. One can try to feed them some false information to see what they do with it. In that sense their own game needs to be played for the duration of the exercise. The sensitive conscience need not be bothered by this. For this is about not becoming a victim – and all that that entails to recover from the influence of the psychopath.
The above is a means by which to better equip to swim in an ocean which contains some very strange fish. There are many potential predators out there; better to be forewarned and forearmed.
But what can you do if you’re already a victim? In the next article we’ll be looking at this.
This has been part seven on Series: Psychopath. Part Eight next:
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