Continued Hiatus – For a While

Just a note to say I’ll be back with new blogs soon. In the meantime I’m seeking new digs so I’ll still be away for several more weeks. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Ac E.

a memo

Just a note to say that, for a fairly short period – possibly a couple of weeks – I’ll be posting blog intermittently to this site as I’m in the process of moving.

I’m up to my ears in packing boxes right now, you should see the place I’m leaving!

I have a lot more to add on my WordPress site here, much from my archived files – and, of course, new articles.

I will necessarily be offline for longer periods, but that will mean that I’ll be able to go through archives with those older articles freshly presented, with edits. Spending time offline will allow me to collate everything to then come back online and post.

Lots of work ahead in this busy time of year leading up to Christmas.

I’ll be back

Ac E.

the mobile (cell) phone phenomenon

This article is a continuation from my previous one entitled ‘The Sense of Self’ – so it is in regards to psychology and not to the actual device of the mobile phone or its ordinary usefulness.

In our times, it appears everyone has one, the mobile (I’m Australian) or cell phone. I have to laugh as, when at the time they first appeared in society, it appeared to me to be regarded as fashionable – to be ’seen’ to get out one’s mobile in a public place and talk to whoever was on the line. Later, when mobiles got cheaper, most people have got one.

They are handy and particularly useful when one is alone and requiring some aid or necessary contact. Many parents will not hesitate to get their children phones to ensure that they will be able to remain in contact wherever they are. People who drive have a mobile in case of car trouble. Tradespeople can keep in contact with their offices to make and keep appointments – the list goes on. There’s every reason to agree that the mobile is a useful and beneficial device; it assures that we can have contact at all times and like I said, especially in times of need.

You might call me old-fashioned but I barely use mine. The only times I do is when I’m answering a call, or contacting someone for some reason away from home. You see, I come from a time when all there existed was the landline and they were connected  by cables (no ‘hands free’ or conference calling). So I’ve got to say it amazes me that people, who might be sitting on their sofas, will immediately reach for their mobile phone and use that instead of their landline, even though the use of mobiles is more expensive than landline use. Indeed the mobile phone has become an extension of the hand for many these days.

Do you know or have you seen or met someone who appears addicted to mobile phone use? I’ve read articles where people have reported as ‘lost without their phone’ couldn’t function at the full speed that they have become used to. Phones are automatic – they provide immediate access – which, like I said above, is a good thing in some circumstances. But, like all things to do with human nature, the convenience of any device or luxury for that matter, may become a thing of dependency. So much dependency that, without that device or luxury, life is not the same, hardly ‘complete’.

If we could step back a moment from this odd idea! The mobile has only been in use in recent history, and for thousands of years there was no such thing, let alone a landline telephone. You might say that the mobile is here to stay, and an integral part of human society, it is entrenched in the way society functions today. But the mobile, I would argue, is still a device and something useful but it does not make it, will not ever make it, integrated as a part of the innate human psyche. It is a device only. But some cannot exist (they would say) without one. They cannot see themselves without the automatic availability of it. And I think it’s becoming a problem, psychologically speaking, in contemporary circles.

One circle of society that I feel it’s becoming a problem (in the way of psychological health) is in the world of the teen. Text messaging might be cheap, but if a teen has an addiction to sending and receiving texts, then the sense of self is affected. There’s a lot of ‘quantity’ before any quality here. For to receive text messages  – that may give the teenage personality a sense of being loved, valued and accepted –  one must also send text messages. Some very addicted teens go through much money each week just to pay for their mobile phone use. I have heard of one teen that will even steal money, or other family members’ phones, just to supply her ‘habit’.

The addiction syndrome comes from the ‘fix’ of being noticed or peripherally ‘valued’ by the person that has sent the text or voice call. For a short time, that person (whether teen or anyone) feels valued, and has an increase of the self-worth – that they feel that can only be supplied by others responding to, or sending them, calls and messages. They will spend much time texting back and forth and really saying little of anything, just to assure themselves that they are valued and wanted by the person(s) they are communicating with via phone. It can also give the appearance of being ‘popular’. And while all this is going on, and with the mobile so accessible, they will neglect the real reason why they have become addicted to this instant form of communication in the first place.

And so, in a world of the instant, of the ‘now’, how could this be good for society as a whole? I believe that such behaviour of seeing to have what is desired ‘now’ will only create a world of people who will, through conveniences, be them to lack patience and tolerance with others and with circumstances that are not so instant, that are not so accessible.

Patience and tolerance, I say, in this society of growing population, are two of the more needed virtues. But if a person’s thinking is wired to imparting and receiving in the ‘immediate’, then it can hardly make for a world that is patient for the good things of living to manifest, for life to evolve and unfold more naturally in the human psyche, and for it to be in a good state of health. And I think it is important at this time in human history that there is more self-awareness in individuals, more need for a teaching of psychology in schools (for eg) and more appreciation for the lasting things of value, rather than the self-gratifications that come from any addictive forms.

Driving and Texting

There is one very dangerous misuse of the mobile phone that I wish to mention: that is, the use of the phone whilst driving.

Recently I read an article where a girl was lamenting, with great sorrow, the death of her sister in a car accident. Her sister had been text messaging about an item of clothing, nothing much really, and something (in sad hindsight) that could have waited until the girl was no longer behind the wheel of a vehicle.

Alas, I quite often see people talking on the mobile whilst driving in the knowledge that this is against the law. The law has changed only recently in Australia and now there are stiffer penalties for mobile phone use while driving. So, if a mobile voice call takes away from a driver’s concentration, how much more concentration is required to do a text message, how much more time is taken eyes-from-the-road ahead? The girl in the story in my previous paragraph ended being killed because of text messaging behind the wheel of her car.

An accident waiting to happen...?

But, and this is the saddest thing, while we have responsibility as drivers to make sure we get to and from our destinations in safety, it is also our responsibility to drive for the safety of all other road users (speeders, tail-gaiters, and people who don’t use their indicators can also take note!) and all pedestrians. It only takes a moment to collide with another car or a pedestrian, for a car is a potential killing machine on wheels.

I would like to relate what an acquaintance of mine does every time her mobile phone rings while she’s driving (and who says we should always obey that ring when it rings when there is such thing as voice-mail?) She finds a place to pull over and park. Then she will use her phone. I think that, for some, it is all too easy to give into the temptation of answering that demanding ring tone. But, if one has a ‘policy’ of pulling over, without exception, making it a personal ‘rule’ of safety, then one just might spare a tragedy – the terrible tragedies that people have to live with, from the consequences of selfish and thoughtless behaviour, for the rest of their lives.

So…just how important is it?

And for those who cannot live without the mobile phone, you could ask yourself, how that phone makes you feel? Is it a useful device that keeps you in contact for good reasons, or has it become and extension of your personality, so much so that to be without it is like being without part of your personal self-worth? It’s something to think about.

 

This article was written on the 29th of Nov 09 and has a mirror site at Blogger.

the sense of self

Much of what inspires me to write is from my observations of how people treat the other people in their lives.

These observations run the gamut, from the people in the intimate life of the individual, to the people on the outer peripherals, like for instance other road users, people who work in shops and service industries, or without the human element even involved, the way that individual might treat his/her environment. The latter could include the individual’s home or the society in which they live – and whether the individual sees themselves as an integral part of their environment or something that they feel more detached from. And example of this could be when they are habitual litterbugs, abusing that environment in some way, or when they care not for the safety of other road users by speeding – in fact, any of the ‘me first’ behaviours.

It has been my deep consideration that the sense of self, or put it another way, the self-esteem (or self worth), is the most neglected part of the human being. People go to a physician if the are sick, but, if habitually their behaviour is ‘not well’ or dysfunctional, the sense of self and the self’s ‘health’ and continued ‘well being’ will be the last thing some people will want to look at.

For it is hard to look at the self. Who wants to see all of one’s faults? In an extreme example, the narcissistic personality will blame all others for their faults ie., why they feel they are not successful. If they are getting criticised at work (for eg) they will blame the boss or their co-workers. If, in the narcissist, the elevated sense of self is criticised (brought to light) or attacked, they will look to anybody else to which to lay blame for their own faults.

Or take the example of the man who batters his wife. His sense of self is so dysfunctional that he will say in his own ’self defence’ “She made me do it!”. Of course, we know that we alone are responsible for our own actions. And if we are responsible for our own physical health, being a total human ‘unit’ like all others, then it follows that we are also responsible for our own emotional health, and that includes the caring and self-nurturing of one’s own self esteem.

It is difficult, however, to admit to faults. For we know that to the wrong sets of ears, to admit to faults could be like an admission of ‘I know I have a problem within myself’ (the admission being good) but to certain hearers it is a way for them to feel elevated in their own esteem to the person making the honest admission. I could go further by saying that a person who visits a psychologist’s office might be viewed by some people as automatically dysfunctional by the wanting to visit a ’shrink’! Whereas, the person seeing the psychologist is in a healthy state by seeing someone because of the acknowledgement that such help for their emotional well-being is good and beneficial.

So, there can be a great reluctance to admit to faults, and with that, a reluctance to seek help – from friends, family etc – and from professional sources. You could even say that in some circumstances, in some societies, that it’s ‘pride wars’. Take for instance a work place, or any place of competitiveness, any place where ‘image’ or how one makes an impression is regarded as desirable. In that situation, one cares for how one is perceived. But, even then, that perception can only be appreciated by the person trying to make or keep the impression. The results can only be gauged (by that individual) by how others in that person’s circle are responding to that person’s behaviour.

There are those that seek popularity, and there are some that more naturally draw others to them and popularity is more naturally a part of their way. I believe that this is only one type of personality – those that are naturally gregarious and in that may give out the vibes that each person in their sphere is special to them somehow. In their very gregarious and people-loving behaviour, they make each person feel valued. For that reason they remain popular. It is sad, however, when people seek popularity and their nature doesn’t (more) naturally have this people-loving/valuing trait.

I suppose what comes to mind is the person that seeks many contacts on the internet, posts many posts on their Facebook site (for eg) and expects his/her many contacts to pay attention to everything they say. However, because they do not have the natural (or acquired) behaviour of people-valuing, they expect many comments to their posts, but neglect to reciprocate. And while they see people posting to their comments it will make them feel good about themselves, give them a sense of esteem (as they are being noticed by others). But they are so intent on this needing to be noticed that they are not regarding other people with the same esteem.

I have thought it amazing that a person on such a social networking site can have as many (if not more) than 500 to 3000 + contacts (for eg) and yet the ones who have left comments to every word they post are but a handful! To me it says, ‘out of all those people there must be someone out there who’s going to make me feel good about myself’.

It seems like a dream, doesn’t it, to keep desiring this esteem, this attention, from others. It reminds me of someone who spends each day on the same beach with a metal detector, with a whole lot of other people with metal detectors on the same beach, hoping to turn over something buried in the sand. It’s a lot of hope for the sake of someone’s needy sense of self-worth.

And yet, these seeking ones, these ones that need so much to be valued and noticed by others, are not recognising the symptoms from their own behaviours. For what they are not seeing is that, within ourselves is soul (or spirit) that has more potential for the wholeness of the self than what they are giving themselves more credit for – if only they would come out of denial of those symptoms and begin the work of the pursuing of health of the emotional self. For some, going into the ‘inner self’ would take too much effort and they are lazy. (Especially with the internet and the great sea of humanity out there to be ‘fished’. )

And so, for some there is no desire to look inside to see honestly for themselves their dysfunction and to therefore come out of the denial about it. To them it’s like an assault to the personal pride. And, in a world full of people with the same needs, it seems a trend to seek, particulary via the internet in these contemporary times, whatever might be gained as a way of compensation for what the individual feels, but may not perceive, they lack within themselves.

I believe it is the human’s basic need to be loved and accepted. In the situations that life can bring, whether for good or for ill, that need remains. When, in favourable social circumstances (ie good friends/family conditions) that individual feels loved/nurtured, then the soul of that person flourishes.

In unfavourable/undesirable circumstances (ie when one finds themselves alone or in new social enviroments or suffers from a dysfunctional background) that need to be loved and accepted will manifest in dysfunctional behaviours that will merely prove to be stop gap, or band aid measures. The underlying problem, however, will remain.

The self will continue to suffer poor health, unless there is coming out of denial of what that dysfunctional behaviour is saying in its symptomatic manifest.

“When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.” Carl Jung

article written 29th Nov 09 and has a mirror at my blogger site.

flight or fight?

Sometimes there may be, or come, a person in our lives with the sort of personality with which we dread. They have a strong bent to their character which may manifest as intimidation or, more annoyingly, control. These are the sort which impinge upon our personal space.

If we find a person like that in our acquaintance we can choose to avoid them.  However this may not always be possible if it is a person more directly involved with our world. By the very strength (or weakness  whatever way you want to look at it) of their personality they can  inspire our apprehension just by their mere presence.

In this personality nuance (or more dominant personality trait) these ones are given to detecting weaknesses in others – the sociopathic personality-disordered person is particularly attuned to detecting what he/she perceives as ‘weakness’ in their potential victim’s character. Also, aside from this ability to ‘detect’ parts of another’s character that this person can see to use or manipulate, there may be times when the person at risk of these ones, may merely be going through a period of personal trial (ie an illness or setback of some kind) which people may pounce upon and use that misfortunate circumstance by which to gain an upper hand.

I knew a woman like this. She was what is colloquially termed a ‘control freak’ and had been in a position of authority in her work place. In a matriachal position in her family, she used vulnerable times in her daughter-in-law’s lives by which to assume head hen in her self-styled ‘pecking order’.

Now…a  situation like this can get out of control. If the one being victimised is intimidated enough to go with the dominating one’s control, well, that can end up becoming the ‘norm’ in the dynamic of that relationship. Fear can be created in the one being used for the sake of the other’s self-esteem interests and along with fear, as mentioned in a previous article in this series, feelings of dread to be with that person– and the relationship has become dysfunctional.

One can choose to put up with the imbalance – or make a stand and right what has swung against one’s esteem and personal space.

A dog can put up with a lot of abuse and still be that faithful and timid pet but suddenly, with one more offence, with just the right trigger, the animal assumes a defensive/aggressive posture – the fight response! It’s a snap in canine – or human.

Yet,  at another time, (or a less aggressive personality), will flee the source of the discomfort. This can be physically ie leave the scene , or the relationship, OR go inside him or herself; in other words, shut down from the person that has created the discomfort/threat.  This is flight. These are our more natural reponses to the threat on our emotional well-being.

To some fight and flight comes very naturally.  An argument takes place..the fight occurs and THEN the flight!  The car door slams and broooomm, gone! In some cases however there  is another response which is far less reactive. That is when the  person is able to stand back for a moment and assess more calmly the situation  and, if called for, can try to understand how the relationship crisis could have first arisen: seeing the other person’s point of view and  trying to make their’s appreciated. Courage, through the choice to take a stand, needs to take the place of fear and discomfort.

It can take a lot of emotional energy too to take that stand.

There is one thing about a personality with a tendancy to bully: a bully usually relies on an attitude of bluff, and bullies can know just what it takes to have their own way. As the psych of a bully consciously or subliminally understands the effect of bullying, that kind of psyche also understands the effect of intimidation. Some bullying personalities are just not used to being stood up to. So, when one takes a stand for onself in the face of bullying, it may well be discovered that the bully is themselves ‘a coward’ and that person will take a back-step, back down and be put back in their acceptable place within that relationship.

This may work for some people in some situations– the taking of a personal stand against the intimidations of others. But in other circumstances and extremes, there are times where it is better to cut one’s losses in that relationship…and run.

 

Last part of series fear in relationships. Edited and republished from Y360 files 07.

i’m afraid to tell you…

Subtle kinds of fears that can affect a relationship, those we might try to rationalise against even though those fears remain present, act like  a cauterisation, that  is, the relationship has a boundary around it which is like a ring of pain. Thus the relationship stays in a stunted or wounded condition with all the hurt and other emotions like ‘confusion’. The two parties are  never free to feel at ease with each other.

If you think about it fear, of a subtle  emotional kind, is akin to feeling pain. And as previously mentioned  the dictionary definition describes fear as a “painful feeling of threat…”.

There is another fear that affects everyone at some time and that is the ‘fear of hurting someone else’s feelings’. I’m coining it the ‘bad breath’ fear.

So someone you know or  someone close to you has bad breath. But you’re too afraid to tell  them; usually the person with the problem is the last one to know! Someone should let them know – but why be afraid to tell them? Because we know ourselves how embarrassing that can be. Quite often the person will be embarrassed but thank you for telling them anyway. If we care for another person then empathy lets us know how the other person will feel, given the news.

But this is more about bad breath, for we might want to tell another person a truth, or a very valid opinion, about them that we know will do the hearer a world of good, something about their character, of their inner selves. I think that there’s a lot of this fear that is let slide and never dealt with. We might put up with someone knowing that that person has a glaring fault that we can see but they cannot – and we want to help. But it’s tricky. There could be a fear of losing them, or of really hurting their feelings (or of having so much empathy that we can only too well imagine being the one on the receiving end!) or of causing them to react negatively to us because of what we have said to them.

……………………………

There are those who are able to share their souls  more readily than others, and them who cannot easily relate that way,  whose body language might say “come so close but no further”. There  are those who are the more humbler sort who can listen to reason and  those who lack any obvious meekness. And a person, a particularly wounded  soul, in a defensive state, may be a very fearful person to the point of being aggressive. This series ends in the next part under the heading of ‘Fight or Flight’.

 

Part seven of series fear in relationships. Edited and republished from Y360 files 07.

fear: a barometer

I remember when in high school my biology teacher was talking about the function of the skin and its pain  receptors. He then said, (and he liked to ask trick questions),  “hands up if you never want to feel pain!” Well, my hand was the  only one that went up (just being honest!)  But everyone else  in the classroom had got the point – that pain receptors were there to tell  you something; to let you know that something was wrong.

Fear  can work the same way. Fear can work for good as it just might be letting  you know something is amiss in your life that needs attention: something for one’s emotional survival. Fear can be an alarm and manifest  as a symptom of a bigger problem. Like I’ve said previously the  dictionary definition describes fear as a “painful” sensation. So when  this pain symptom – fear –  continues to be present, time for a review of that relationship. Time for something to change.

Have you ever had the feeling of ‘warning bells’ going off in your head about another person or situation you might be in? It may not be loud, as such, maybe just a little catch inside, some instinctive sense telling you “avoid of that person”. In my own experience I have both heeded that check and ignored it at other times. The times I’ve ignored it I’ve realised my mistake only too late.  Not every one we meet and are with is as fair minded as ourselves, or humble or well meaning. There are toxic personalities out there  – and they are best avoided.

About instinct:  Sometimes it is good to heed that innate sense. The instinctive nature of animals, that is sometimes observable, is also present  in the human animal, it’s just that we can (and sometimes more often than not) give into rationalising situations, or consider that we are capable of handling everything or everyone that comes our way.  I could site some horrible examples of when people have not heeded that instinct of potential threat for eg. the well-meaning stranger may not be so well meaning, and teachers in schools teach children not to talk to strangers.

Some  people persevere in relationships that have passed from ‘life’ to one  in a dying or ‘death’ state. So fear therefore can be a kind of barometer of personal safety if we can learn to respond to it in a positive way rather than just putting up with  it and/or rationalising around it.

Part six of series fear in relationships. Edited and republished from Y360 files 07. Painting is by Edvard Munch ‘Anxiety’  1894.

heart in mouth there go i

Addressing a specific fear at some times in life that everyone comes across about a choice we made, after the fear kicked in!

There’s been a falling out with a friend, co-worker, or relative. They  have tresspassed against us and it has caused a rift. The thought of going to see them about this issue causes the heart to be in the mouth –  a common fear ’symptom’ – and rabbit heart beats are quite unmistakable!

Fear arises from the thought of being with that person again regarding the issue between you and them. Along with that is anger, hurt pride, humiliation. In a previous part of this series I said the dictionary definition of fear was: “…a  painful feeling of impending danger“. Now the danger might lie in no resolution being reached even if you did see/confront them, or by the fear that by seeing them, matters might take a turn for the worse. Or to really add insult to injury  they might be very nonchalant and deny a problem even existing  just to make it look it is YOU being super-sensitive.

All of  the above might cause us to fear. But nonetheless we have a choice of action if we want that rift to be healed or resolved. Most of the time this is the wizest course of action, particularly if that person is in your life more often than not.

I’ve found something  that seems to be an undying social ‘law’ and it comes from Scripture: thus: “…if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go  and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall  hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother*.”

There are some that would not confront the person that has done the wrong – finding it more convenient to gossip and backstab, for fear brings defensiveness and ways to find a ‘methods to get back at hat person. Because that person has caused the hurt, the thought of actually confronting them can create fear, so an ‘easier’ resort by which to ease fear and hurt is to resort to speaking to others about them. I’ve found that this usually only leads to more trouble. Words spoken in bitterness can get back  to the person we have the issue with and that is only stirring for the pot.

Where lies the answer? Well sometimes eggs cannot  be unscrambled. The original offence may be of the nature of something very bad, which would lead to relationship breakdown. But I think in many instances, that is relative to less extreme issues, it is possible to see/confront the person that has caused the offence. The emotional pain caused, and the fear, may be risen and acute at that time, but it is a far better recourse than continual pain and fear festering – and of course to making the situation prolonged and worse.

This is naturally of matter of heart. It’s the heart of a person  from whence the fear comes.

Sometimes ‘fear’ becomes a matter of personal crisis to which courage can be embraced or denied/ignored.

Part five of series fear in relationships. Edited and republished from Y360 files 07.
*Matt 18:15

kinds of fear

I saw something one day that I thought wasn’t too unusual. At a place where I was staying I was out  in the front yard when I heard a man swearing loudly from a house across from the busy road. In a short space of time two uniformed police arrived and spoke to a youngish man who came out to the porch.  A woman came out of the house holding an infant. The man and woman spoke to the  police in a sedate manner and the police drove off. My person I was staying with told me that these verbal outbursts their neighbours across the road can sometimes end in violence.

I discussed with with my host for a while and we decided that fear would be present in that household but they may have grown used to it. Fear would be present also in the couple’s children. It would be nigh impossible to live with the threat of fear constantly.

I did begin by saying that in these short articles that I would be  dealing with a more subtle nature of fear.  Needing to clarify what ‘fear’ is I consulted the dictionary…”Fear is our response to a threat…”. The “threat” I want  to talk about here is the effect on our emotional wellbeing. Here is but a short list of fears we may have experienced at some time:

 

Fear of rejection (very commonly felt  in adolescence and relates to peer pressure)

Fear of being misjudged or judged (inc. stereotyped), and along with that fear of being Misunderstood.

Fear of betrayal (ie of confidences because of having been bitten before by misplaced trust)

Fear of emotional blackmail.  And example: Have you ever been with someone that has done you a favour and has expected you to reciprocate? It may not be obvious but the threat can be nonetheless  present and makes one feel very uncomfortably obligated (tied to them).

Fear of  having old wounds being opened up. Ok so someone who was there at  a tough time in your life mentions the thing that got you wounded  in the first place (maybe it even happened with that person) and  you’ll do anything to steer the conversation in another direction  or run away.

Fear of humiliation – or having one’s self-esteem injured or attacked.

Fear of consequences if one does not fit in, or go along, with the other person’s desires.

 

But mentioning this short list I’m not saying  these things will be obvious, others in fact may not know what turmoil you are going through – you’re possibly not letting  it show, just going through your own personal crisis.

 

Part four of series fear in relationships. Edited and republished from Y360 files 07.

just what is fear?

One dictionary definition of the word:

“Fear is our response to a threat – a painful feeling  of impending danger, evil, trouble, anxiety, solicitude”.

This series “fear in relationships”, as noted in the previous article, is about more subtle forms of fear within a relationship: the sort of fear that might affect emotional wellbeing, which has great relevancy in a world where people suffer a great deal from depressive illnesses.

I remember being  in a discussion with some friends once about phobias. One friend said she had developed a fear of answering the telephone. She had developed an aversion to answering the phone because more  often than not it was her mother-in-law calling. From her account, this mother in law was very nepotistic and did not like either of the girls her sons had married and had a controlling personality. This girl’s fear of answering the phone stemmed from  an accumulation of these bad feelings that had reached a place of override in her psyche. Unfortunately it was a relationship that the poor girl could not, alas, avoid.

There are some individuals that send up warning flags through their behaviour, whether it be body language/mannerisms – subtle clues to this personality not being assessed/judged as someone entirely trustworthy – someone that one can feel completely comfortable with. De Becker, in his book, The Gift of Fear, discusses how intuition can work within the human psych as a form of protection against the others that potentially could cause us harm.

Signals of fear – even being the point of being ‘afraid’ of someone intuitively – are worthy of noting and not disregarding. For these intuitive signals are there to let us know that if we enter into a deeper relationship with that person we could be going down a path that would lead us away from emotional health – and worse.

Cause and effect. If something continues to plague a soul,  through the constant and continued behaviour of another person,  leading to anxiety or dread – being the ‘bud’, could it then be  that ‘fear’ is the full-blown flower?

Though some people may present as somewhat a puzzle at first, if one wants to continue in that relationship to whatever degree, then it is better to think through all the intuitve vibes and how that person (that presents as an emotional threat) has exhibited behaviour that has led to negative outcomes. Of what balance of ‘life’ and that contrary to life is with that person? For a weight of constant negative affect may well lead to emotional damage (or worse) that one might well potentially avoid with the guarding of one’s emotional security (along with all the value of one’s physical health). More careful thought and decision making regarding that person is what is needed, for it can be all to easy to fall into another person’s world and tied to that other person’s soul and their continued manifests of toxicity.

 

Part three of series fear in relationships. Edited and republished from Y360 files 07.